Weight Watcher’s Journey May Require Duct Tape
The adult arm weighs eight pounds, about five percent of one’s body weight. Thanks to my holiday junk food diet, I’m that much heavier. I awoke this morning and had an epiphany: I still have the same arms. The calories must have flowed further south.
I know better, but I’ll binge until muffin tops lap over my belt. Chips are my greatest temptation, whether they’re made of chocolate or potatoes. Unlike a carnival mirror, mine doesn’t lie. Human anatomy fascinates me; every body part has a role. What puzzles me, are disproportionate body parts. My right bicep is larger than my left, but my left love handle is bigger than my right. I’ve worked on that left love handle for months. My wife, Hun, gave me a pep talk.
“I accept you even if you’re lopsided. Here, take out the trash.”
I maintained a trim physique well into my 30’s, but by age 39 I surpassed the recommended body-mass-index or BMI. Not to be confused with a BMW, the BMI is based on weight and height, not on body fat. My buddy Steve alerted me about BMI after he joined Weight Watchers®. He wanted to lose 80 pounds.
“You dork; I bet you’re the only guy there. Hah!”
Steve flinched. I felt bad and later apologized to my friend who only wanted to improve his health, and for moral support I went to a meeting with him. We sauntered inside on a busy Saturday morning and stood in line. The receptionist handed me a brochure.
“Nope,” I said. “This isn’t for me.”
“Well, you can weigh in and see how it goes.”
By now Steve moved ahead, and I listened to a stranger discuss her weight loss goals. A husband and his wife walked in behind me. They joked about cinching duct tape around their thighs to reduce chafing. Before long, I stepped on the scale and numbers flashed past 200 lbs. I was the same weight as an NFL running back, one who’s paid a lot of dough, except I was just dough.
“Holy cow, what happened?”
“That’s alright,” the receptionist said. She tapped my wrist. “That’s why you’re here.”
I joined the group. I ate more greens and fewer carbs, drank more water and less beer, and took on a physically challenging home project: digging fencepost holes. Weekly meetings became a ritual and I soon learned how to play the weigh-in game. One trick was to wear the same clothes I wore when I started, to compare net gains or losses. Psychologically, every ounce mattered, especially for measuring progress. About six months into it I substituted my heavy-weight cotton boxers with silk underwear that weighed next to nothing. Five months later I weighed 40 lbs less, had a fenced yard, and an assortment of silk underwear.
The benefits were awesome. My metabolism rivaled the Energizer Bunny’s®, and I dropped 50 cholesterol points. My doctor grinned, “Your heart thanks you.”
I’ve battled weight maintenance ten years now but the pounds creep up on me like a stalking cat. I fall off the wagon with chocolate binges and the occasional bowl of bean dip. Work, kids, and social activities clog my schedule, and it’s hard to make time for exercise. But one lesson I’ve learned through this journey is that I need to take time for myself. My mental and physical health depends on it. Maybe that sounds selfish, but I’d rather be older and fit than selfless and dead.
Life’s too short to check out early. I want to travel with Hun, goof off with the kids, and play sports until I embarrass myself. I want an active, energetic lifestyle with no holds barred. When my time is up I want to sprint through the Pearly Gates, rather than float in on a Lazy-Boy®.
I’ll keep eating chocolate though, and will replace fence boards or dig holes to offset any gains. And as I continue reeling in the years, I’ll probably still wear silk underwear at weigh-ins. I wonder, though, if there’s a way to use duct tape to even out my love handles. I just don’t see them going away. ###
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34 thoughts on “Weight Watcher’s Journey May Require Duct Tape”
Greetings from Colorado! I’m bored to tears at work so I decided to browse your blog on my iphone during lunch break. I love the information you present here and can’t wait to take a look when I get home. I’m amazed at how fast your blog loaded on my cell phone .. I’m not even using WIFI, just 3G .. Anyhow, wonderful site!
Hey, thanks appreciate it. I’m originally from Colorado…sorry about those Broncos yesterday. They forgot to show up. Eric
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Cool, writing this blog is a labor of love, I’ll keep at it. Feel free to share…I hope it continues to grow. Eric
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Hi there! I know this is kinda off topic however I’d figured I’d ask. Would you be interested in trading links or maybe guest writing a blog post or vice-versa? My website goes over a lot of the same topics as yours and I feel we could greatly benefit from each other. If you are interested feel free to shoot me an e-mail. I look forward to hearing from you! Excellent blog by the way!
Hi there, many thanks for your comments. Right now I’m kind of swamped but I’ll consider it. Send me a note at email@example.com and we can mull it over. Eric
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My pleasure, thanks for reading and commenting. More to come. Eric
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Thanks, appreciate your kind words. I hired some IT folks to help with the technical set-up, but am otherwise using a WordPress template. Come on back, I hope to be here! Eric
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Many thanks, I’ll keep at it. Feel free to join the Etc. Guy Facebook page too. Eric
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Thanks for commenting, more ideas rattling around my brain…they’re under development. Eric
I like your website a lot, can I reprint this article on mine?
Thanks for reading and asking. Feel free to link my site (or this article) to your site if it’s easier. Eric
Very good post. I’m dealing with weight issues as well…
Good luck, losing weight requires work but its worth it. Eric
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Well……I’m not too embarrassed to admit that I’m a Lifetime Member of Weight Watchers (as long as I DON’T GAIN MY WEIGHT BACK, hah!) I also was a Leader during a past life. All strange but true stuff. Makes a good story. Thanks for commenting. Eric
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Definitely feel free to share, I aim to grow the Etc. Guy site. You can also join the Etc. Guy facebook page. Thanks for reading. Eric
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