Category: Mother’s Day shopping
Anxiety Level: Near Panic
Level of Difficulty: Extreme
Results of Blowing It: Major
Brothers, wake-up! Mother’s Day is May 12. Postpone taking down the Christmas lights another week.
Run, don’t walk, to shop. This time it’s for mom. But be advised guys, if you have kids your wife is also a mom. Don’t forget her. We face a potential double-whammy, and failure is not an option. Sensitive guys face a triple-whammy if their mother-in-law is on the shopping list. Some advice for you sensitive guys: take out that Michael Bolton CD and watch a hockey game. You’ll be cured by the third period.
My memory lapsed on how I addressed Mother’s Day last year. I can only offer common sense, combined with amnesia and internet findings. So, here are gift ideas that may (or may not) work:
1. Unless your mom or wife is a decathlete, sports bras are NEVER a good idea.
2. Neither is climbing rope, shovels, or fishing tackle.
3. Chocolate – a fresh box, not leftover from Valentine’s Day. Reconsider chocolate if the family genetics is prone to acne.
4. Roses – another reliable hitter. Get fresh roses from a real store, not from a guy selling them at the street corner.
5. Or be a bit more imaginative, perhaps something artsy, relaxing, and creative…
6. Now if you’re thinking apparel, consider a sarong.
A sarong (pictured above) is either a skirt or a dress, depending on how it’s wrapped. Based on my research, sarongs do not require exact sizing (quadruple-check that). The female’s anger fuse ignites quickly if you mess up. In a woman’s mind size really does matter. The practicality of a sarong is they range in size from pup-tent to parachute, which is good news. Guys, we have more tolerance sizing a sarong than gapping a spark plug.
Do not confuse a sarong with a thong. Carefully type when ordering via the internet. I’m in enough trouble and lack the gigabytes to respond to angry moms who receive a thong from their numbskull sons. Memorize this: Yes to sarong, no to thong, and you’ll all get along.
Nearly 316 million Americans live in the USA and 49% are men. Guys, we are outnumbered. If we are to survive and propagate the species, we need to use our right-brain this Mother’s Day. Or at least use our brain right…
PS: Let me know how it went. I’ll write it down for next year’s update.
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