Dad’s Halloween Costume Scares Neighborhood, But the Kids are OK

“Those who matter don’t mind, and those who mind don’t matter.”  Dr. Seuss

The mornings after Halloween are the only days my kids get a hall pass to eat caramel apples for breakfast.  The apples are healthy, which offsets the caramel, and the peanuts have protein, so the menu is justifiable.  It amuses me to watch them peel sugar mats from their teeth.  Their distraction also gives me time to raid what’s left of the Halloween candy.

Kate, my high-school junior, has out grown trick-or-treating but Maggie still wanted to go.  She’s in eighth-grade and borders on the fringes of aging out.  I’ve always accompanied my kids Halloween night.  When the kids were toddlers my wife and I masqueraded as bee-keepers, hockey players, and clowns, fun stuff.  Halloween is the one day when you aren’t expected to be yourself.  Then again, maybe one’s true self comes out.

Maggie is almost a big kid and I knew my window of opportunity to trick-or-treat with her was closing.  She invited me to chaperone, but only if I dressed up.

I wore speedos and cowboy boots.

HER: What?!? You can’t go like that!!
ME: I’m Michael Phelps.
HER: Eww…You don’t look like him. You’re TOO flabby.
ME: It’s muscle.  Besides, I need to be with you in case there are weirdo’s out there.
HER: [Silence]

She usually talks a mile a minute but was dumbfounded. Parenting sure is fun.

My costume was a hit though the after-effects may facilitate my neighbors’ visits to counseling sessions.

Dad’s, here’s how I created an awesome Halloween costume:

Hat = $2.  Found one at a garage sale
Speedos = $15 (Bought a new pair, not used speedos.  C’mon, I have standards.)
Tony Llama boots = FREE, found buried in closet
Time spent laughing with daughters = PRICELESS

I posted this photo on the Etc. Guy Facebook page yesterday morning.  So far I’ve had about 300 views an hour and it’s still early in the weekend.  There is power in the speedo.  Please share my page if it makes a friend laugh.  If I’m teased that’s okay.  It’s the price I’m willing to pay to have a complete blast with my kids.  They’re growing up fast and I just can’t get enough of them.

As for my wife, she thinks I’m a royal knucklehead and is afraid we won’t be invited anywhere for Thanksgiving or Christmas.

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